7.62mm Justice

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I miss my home theater system. It’s one of those things that I lost in the divorce, that I honestly don’t expect to get back. For one thing, the ex-wife and I agreed that it should become the property of the kids, and for another, it’s stuck in New York, and I figure it’s too expensive to ship.

So, I am starting a wish list, for when I can afford it, to start building a new monster home theater system…

Denon [AVR-5308CI(A)] Reference 7.1 CH/5.1+2 CH/ 3.1+2+2 CH A/V Home Theater/MultiMedia Multi-Source/Zone Receiver with Network Streaming and WiFi

http://www.usa.denon.com/ProductDetails/3922.asp
http://www.crutchfield.com/p_033AV5308C/Denon-AVR-5308CI.html?tp=179

Definitive Technology BP7000SC System

http://www.definitivetech.com/Products/products.aspx?path=Home%20Theater%20Speaker%20Systems|Floor-Standing%20Systems&productid=BP7000SC%20System%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20&hometheater=1

Panasonic – VIERA / 54" Class / 1080p / 600Hz / Plasma HDTV

http://www.bestbuy.com/site/olspage.jsp?skuId=9317161&type=product&id=1218091193163 

Denon DVD-3800BDCI: Blu-ray™ Disc DVD/CD Player

http://www.usa.denon.com/ProductDetails/3961.asp
http://www.bestbuy.com/site/olspage.jsp?skuId=8773295&type=product&id=1207957325236

As configured this monster, plus HDMI cables, stereo cables, power cables, etc, would more than likley come in around twenty grand. The equipment listed is approx eighteen thousand and change, leaving around two thousand for sundry cables and what not.

It’s newer than my old system, but it’s similar equipment, and similarly priced to what I had.

*UPDATE*

The photo is one of the old entertainment center, the ex-wife was kind enough to send it after I requested a picture.

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Now that it’s all said and done,
I can’t believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.

What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should’ve started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I’d doubt you,
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I’m slowly getting closure.
I guess it’s really over.
I’m finally getting better.
And now I’m picking up the pieces.
I’m spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.

And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should’ve started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I’d doubt you,
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I’m slowly getting closure.
I guess it’s really over.
I’m finally getting better.
And now I’m picking up the pieces.
I’m spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should’ve started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I’d doubt you,
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should’ve started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I’d doubt you,
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I’m slowly getting closure.
I guess it’s really over.
I’m finally getting better.
And now I’m picking up the pieces.
I’m spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I’m putting my heart back together,

‘Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through,
I got over you.

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After a night of wrestling with this post, I’ve decided that I am going to just throw this all out there… why you ask? Well, I know that my future in-laws are reading my blog, and I suspect that my current in-laws are keeping up with my Facebook. In either case, I intend this blog post to clear the air.

My current wife and I have always had a unique relationship. It’s been very professional, but there hasn’t been allot of love and affection in it for a very long time. It would be fair to say that things ain’t been right between us for a very long time. The wife and I have worked at our relationship, but for whatever reason, we just haven’t succeeded in making it work.

Back in 2008, I spent six months in Iraq. At my departure, I left the wife with the impression that I was going to be gone for a year, as it was my understanding at the time. So when I came home early, I was disappointed, but I was happy that I was able to come home to my wife and kids, the most important people in my life.

Upon telling the wife that I would be home for Thanksgiving, did I get a “that’s great it will be terrific to have you home for the holidays!” or a “the kids and I have really missed you, and we’ll be looking forward to it”; kind of reaction? No, I did not. I got a “what about the paycheck” reaction. That was a warning, and I took it as such.

So I go home, and end up picking up a new job at Ft. Drum, which would continue to have me going overseas for large spans of time. Now my oldest boy is nearly 15, and is starting high school this fall, and I really felt like it was time to stop playing solider and be home for the family. So even after accepting that job, I continued looking for something more “stable”.

I got a call from a recruiter at APEX in Phoenix, AZ, trying to set me up with a job down here in Sierra Vista. It took longer than expected, and there was some drama involved in the process, but I got the job. it was for 30k more than I was making up at Ft. Drum and I had been told that there would be no deployments in this position.

I found out once I got down here that there would be the POSSIBILITY of travel to Korea and Germany however, I have since been assured that it will not be happening under this contract.

So in any case, I come down here to Arizona with the intention of being home with the kids more, being home with the wife more, and to settle down and quit playing solider in Iraq/Afghanistan.

So I pack-up my car with some basic stuff, and start the journey from Ft. Drum, New York; to Sierra Vista, Arizona. I make it as far as Amarillo, Texas before life throws me curve ball number one. I get an email from Erin Rush on Facebook.

Erin and I had a previous relationship back in 1998/1999. She was a very good friend from Packard Bell/NEC, and I helped her escape a bad marriage. There is allot more there to say, but for reasons for her privacy, I won’t go into it. It’s fair to say that Erin and I were passionate about each other at that time.

However, Erin moved to Hawaii in the spring of 99, and got married. With the exception of a few email in 2004, while I was in Afghanistan, I hadn’t spoken to her since 1999. I believed that Erin was living on the big island of Hawaii, with prince charming, enjoying her happily ever after. I had written off Hawaii as a place I wanted to go, and I was generally avoiding the very idea of her like the plague.

So I get an email from her on Facebook. To my horror, she is no longer in Hawaii, but in Arizona, and less than 100 miles from where I am going to be living. She is also divorced, again. Prince Charming turned out to be not to so charming after all.

Ok, in all honestly, I had found out after I had accepted the job that Erin was in the area. (I found her on Facebook.) However, I had not contacted her. I had not contacted her on purpose, and had no intention of contacting her.

So now, she was contacting me. Well, I was shocked, and more than a little horrified. After a week or two of small talk, I told her flat out that I didn’t really want to be talking with her, that my marriage was worth more than that, and that she just wasn’t worth it.

I told the wife that I had told Erin to buggar off, and I think I may have sent her a copy of the email that I had sent to Erin.

For whatever reason, it was at that time that the wife started to give me all kinds of shit about moving to Arizona. Didn’t want to move, didn’t want to deal with the heat, didn’t want to leave her job… you name it, any and every excuse she could give me, she started in on. She was very very negative on the subject. Despite the fact that I clearly remember talking with her about Arizona, she claims that I never took her feelings into account, and that we didn’t discuss it.

I asked her flat out if it was about Erin being in the area, and she said no.

On a particularly bad night after fighting with the wife, I went out to Applebee’s, got fairly drunk, (for me) and started drunk texting Erin. The only thing that came of that stupor was that she and were talking again. I don’t recall the conversation, but I’m sure I was an ass…

As things got worse with the wife, I started going to Erin’s son’s little league games. As things continued to progressively get worse with the wife, I started doing more things with Erin.

The wife asked me for a divorce about two months ago. I fought her on the idea; but eventually came to the same conclusion that she had. We were broken, and beyond repair, because at least one of us didn’t care enough to make the effort to repair it. After a few weeks, I told her that she was right, and I wanted a divorce.

There was no emotional reaction on my wife’s part. There never has been. The only time I get an emotional response out of is her, is when I go out of my way to piss her off. I asked her to say “I want to work things out”, as a safe word to cancel the divorce, and I waited a month… until after our 15 year anniversary… and I didn’t hear the words.

So I called her up a few weeks ago and told her that the divorce was on, and now unavoidable. That she has burned the bridges and there was no path back.

I’m not happy about throwing away fifteen years. I’m not happy that I failed as a husband. However, at this point I have decided to look forward and not back. I’ve learned allot about what not to do as a husband, and I’ll move forward with that knowledge, better, stronger, faster…

So now I’m working on getting the divorce papers filed, and I’m heavily involved with Erin. Ninety days after I file, I’ll be single again. She has agreed verbally to giving me physical custody of the kids.

I had my oldest son come out to live with me this last week, and he tells me I’m the happiest I’ve been in years. He likes Erin, and is adjusting better to the situation than I would have expected. He told me last night that he didn’t want to go back to New York. Realistically, I won’t allow him to make that decision until Dec 1. He hasn’t started school down here yet, and there is plenty of time for him to make up his mind. I told him not to rush into the decision, and to give it time.

Erin has set a tentative date of June 1 next year for us to get married, however that date is by no means set in stone and may move left or right based on her timetable.

It has been the most bizarre year. If you had asked me last March, before I went to Iraq where I would be in June of 2009, I would never have even dreamed that I would be where I am. It’s been an interesting ride, and I feel like I am holding on to the back of a NASCAR racer by my fingernails.

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So, the other day I did one of those silly ass Facebook quizzes. This one was “What Alignment Are You?”. I’ve done some MMORPGs, and I had a pretty good idea as to what I thought I would end up as. So when I came up as other than “Chaotic Evil” I was surprised.

Whoever wrote this quiz did a really good job on the descriptions; as such I will share the following:

Lawful Neutral:

Called the "Judge" or "Disciplined" alignment, a lawful neutral character typically believes strongly in Lawful concepts such as honor, order, rules and tradition, and often follows a personal code. A lawful neutral society would typically enforce strict laws to maintain social order, and place a high value on traditions and historical precedent.

Examples of lawful neutral characters might include a soldier who always follows orders, a judge or enforcer that adheres mercilessly to the word of the law, or a disciplined monk.

Characters of this alignment are neutral with regard to good and evil. This does not mean that lawful neutral characters are amoral or immoral, or do not have a moral compass; but simply that their moral considerations come a distant second to what their code, tradition or law dictates. They typically have a strong ethical code, but it is primarily guided by their system of belief, not by a commitment to good or evil. James Bond is a commonly cited lawful neutral character.

After reading it, that’s me to a tee. I don’t really give a shit about good or evil, as long as it fits into my ethical code. I’m not above taking care of business in ways that would give most people heartburn for years. I’m not above being a saint… but at the same time, don’t cross me or you’ll find me to be a nightmare to deal with.

I’ve always played chaotic evil characters because I prefer the freedom to be evil when it suited my purposes. However, it would appear that Lawful Neutral is more my own personal alignment, if there were a thing, in day to day life.

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